Another week

And so much more alcohol. Really I cannot wait for this year to be over, going from health fascist to smelly derelict has been a hard and tiering process. I've only got two more days left at my current place of employment and the new year does hold great promise for betterment in pretty much conceivable category.

Aim is to move to Oslo, get a better job, meet new people and pull myself back together. Which means chaning back to a more constructive and less alcohol related lifestyle. Put the focus back on the body etc. It's going to be a hard couple of months at the (a new one) gym to get back to where I was towards the end of the summer. The upside is that I'm bristling with motivation.
My level of self loathing eventually reaches a fulcrum, I know since previous episodes of similar states of mind, and I'll swing back towards my previous sense of character and start acting accordingly again. Then again this autumn has been the most extreme episode as of yet. I've been throughly self destructive.
If I did not feel this blooming desire to do something about my situation I'd be seriously worried, yet certainty that I'll swing back instills confidence. Then yet again that might be a thing to consider in and of itself, I do tend react with a corresponding level of force to any issue I encounter. Pulling myself together from my current state is going to be a fast process. Which by implication means that I'm going to be rather harsh with myself coming the new year. It's got nothing to do with any sort of new years resolution, for me it's rapidly becoming an urgent psychological necessity to climb back up and seeing how far I feel I've fallen...

There is a lesson in this too, I don't particularly regret the way things are as I have a brighter tomorrow in front of me. The path is set and all that, it's just the work that remains and that comes much easier. The lesson I'm thinking of is that sometimes good thing come from firstly 'falling' a bit so to speak. For me I needed a great big kick in the balls from good ol' fate to get me going somewhere. When I think about it being stuck in wretched monotony at my now thankfully former workplace (even dissregarding the direct physical impact such as losing A LOT of weight and feeling like crap as soon as I wake up in the morning) that would probably be the worst thing I could do.

I'm off running towards the rising sun again, and with a bit of luck I'll find a happier tomorrow.